Friday, March 3, 2017

Episode 294: Don't Judge An Album By Its Cover

Episode 294: Don't Judge An Album By Its Cover
Pat and Kyle play great songs from albums that have horrible cover art. We didn't say these were all great albums but they each have some great songs.
From March 2, 2017

With your hosts:

Pat Francis

Kyle Dodson

  • Hold onto your butts, it's a Pat and Kyle episode. Kyle is drinking a fruit-based alcoholic beverage, while Pat brings up a listener complaint about Rolling Stones filler and Pat's Trump impression. 
  • Today's topic: Good songs, bad album covers. There will be listener suggestions.
  • Logan Novak suggests Born Again by Black Sabbath. Pat and Kyle don't mind it. Wrong 'Em Boyo suggests Led Zeppelin III. Again, the Dodson Duo don't mind it.
  • Listener West Anthony suggests Fotomaker and their self-titled album. The song is "Where Have You Been All My Life". A JonBenet Ramsey-esque girl on the cover, nothing creepy about that.
  • Listener MJ suggests Anything by The Damned, with the song "Anything". Lion heads, a drum, a guitar, there's a Beethoven-looking guy. Odd stuff.
  • Another listener, Robert Blum, suggests Tim by The Replacements. He picks the song "Left of the Dial". Kyle likes the hallway, but he doesn't appreciate the upside-down face. Pat doesn't love or hate it.
  • Listener Joffrey Tambor (har-dee-har) suggests the French power metal band Heavenly and the song Carpe Diem off the album Carpe Diem. Two sexy women about to make out, there's some major boobage, heavy symbolism of the battle between good and evil. So what's the problem? Kyle points out it's from 2009. Pat suggests for bad album covers.
  • Pat's first pick is Brave New World by Styx, the reunion album with Dennis DeYoung. They're on the label CMC International, known for bad album covers. He plays "Everything Is Cool". An uneven border, there's a half-naked woman staring out a window to Cloud City. She's sitting on a floor that's "half-Tron, half-river brook."
  • Kyle's first pick is Crisis by Alexisonfire. The song he plays is "We Are the Sound". The U.S. cover has a man with swollen hands due to frostbite. Word of advice, don't have that album out during dinner.
  • Pat's next: Paper Money by Montrose. The song is "Underground". The laziest album cover imaginable: Red block font on a grey background. That's it. Show's over, folks.
  • Up next for Kyle is Four Year Strong and their self-titled album. He plays "I Hold Myself in Contempt". A lot of action on this one: Flying saucers, a human bong, a wizard, a man in a Boston Bruins Cat-in-the-Hat hat, a topless biker man with boobs. CASTLE GRAYSKULL!
  • Some bands have great album covers all the way through. They take pride in them, have consistency with the logos, etc.
  • Pat goes Aussie with AC/DC and Fly on the Wall with "Shake Your Foundations". The eye is on the "y," not the "o." It's not a wall, it's a fence. And it's too cartoonish. 
  • Kyle plays "Angels of the Silences" by Counting Crows off the album Recovering the Satellites.
  • Kyle doesn't like the font, it's just a hodgepodge of stuff that doesn't mix. 
  • Some punk time, Pat goes with Animal Boy by Ramones. The song is "My Brain Is Hanging Upside Down (Bonzo Goes to Bitburg)". The photo is too dark, you can barely make out the band and the monkey they're holding. There's also a gorilla in the background just hanging out. The color scheme doesn't mesh. No thought put in, it seems.
  • Kyle's next is Sum 41. The album is Does This Look Infected? and the song is "The Hell Song". The different elements--the zombie mask, the screaming cartoon woman, and the black border--don't mix. 
  • Pat goes to his old favorites, Loverboy and their album Six. The song is "Big Picture".
  • Six is another instance of CMC International. It's a moon cookie of an album cover: Nothing on the black side, HUGE VI on the white, and a Loverboy logo splattered across. Their first album in ten years and it's not good, according to Pat. 
  • Listener Cranky Bear has a lot: Bob Seger's Back in '72, Chicago's Chicago Transit Authority, Billy Squier's Signs of Life. Then there's REO Speedwagon's You Can't Tune a Piano but You Can Tuna Fish (an album cover as bad as its title). Good ol' CB also mentions Styx's Kilroy Was Here. Kyle describes it as "racist Bicentennial Man."
  • Van Halen's Fair Warning, Led Zeppelin's Presence, The Knack's ...But the Little Girls Understand, KC & the Sunshine Band's self-titled. Cranky Bear, STAHP! PLEAZ! 
  • The man recommends an album cover that Pat brought, Cheap Trick's Woke Up with a Monster. The song is "You're All I Wanna Do". Pat likes the album, but the cover keeps him from pulling it out. What to say? The clown, the prostitute, the lack of Cheap Trick's classic logo, and no band members on the cover. None of it is appealing.
  • Kyle goes with Living Colour and their debut album Vivid. He plays "I Want to Know". It's a mess of a cover with strange drawings and shapes.
  • We come to Pat's next, Trial by Fire by Journey. The song is "Message of Love". The song rocks, the album cover is a stinker. No text. Beach scene. The scarab is on an overturned jug. There's a huge baby in a canoe connected via string to a cat lady with a peacock tail. Meanwhile there are water pourers in the clouds and a planet in the background. Not good, boys, not good.
  • Now it's Kyle's turn with the album Eureka by Rooney. The song is "I Can't Get Enough". A crayon painting, says Kyle, with a greek goddess and a bear looking over a sunrise beach scene with the band on the shore.
  • More CMC International, this time it's Ready Eddie by Eddie Money. Pat loves the album, he plays "Don't Say No Tonight". A barrage of oddities, including a Windows XP background and a blurry Eddie Money on a billboard. Underneath the billboard, a cartoon buxom wench starts a drag race for two cars facing different directions. It's the worse one yet, according to Pat and Kyle. Makes no sense.
  • Pat and Kyle offer alternate Eddie Money covers, then move on to Kyle's next, Dance of Death by Iron Maiden. Kyle plays "Gates of Tomorrow". It's a shitty, unfinished CGI render with Eyes Wide Shut characters and Eddie as the Grim Reaper. Maiden is known for their great album covers, this is not one of them.
  • Pat goes with his next, Def Leppard and the album Euphoria. The song is "Promises". Another lazy album cover, just the Def Leppard logo over "J.J. Abrams lens flares." 
  • Listeners keep the bad album covers coming: Keep the Fire by Kenny Loggins, On Through the Night by Def Leppard.
  • Invasion of Your Privacy by Ratt, Lemonade and Brownies by Sugar Ray. Aerosmith's Pump with the two trucks getting busy. You can tell that's a Steven Tyler idea. U2's Boy is suggested, Elton John's Wonderful Crazy Night.
  • Some more listener suggestions: Mighty Like a Rose by Elvis Costello, Lovedrive by Scorpions, Paranoid by Black Sabbath, and Message from the Country by The Move. 
  • Kyle plays his next pick, Transit of Venus by Three Days Grace. The song is "Misery Loves My Company". Kyle doesn't think it matches the album's sound.
  • Let's go to the heartland. Pat plays "American Storm" by Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band off the album Like a Rock. Pat and Kyle liken it to a Macy's family photoshoot. Bob is grimacing in what appears to be mid-snap, his legs akimbo. Then there's the sax player named Alto Reed, which is another matter entirely.
  • Kyle has some progressive metal with the band Tool. The song is "Schism" and the album is Lateralus. The biggest offender is the unreadable font. Kyle is not a fan of Tool's album covers. At least A Perfect Circle doesn't require Lenscrafters. 
  • Pat has some more heartland, this time it's Uh-Huh by John Cougar Mellencamp. The song is "Serious Business".
  • Pat doesn't like the poorly drawn Mellencamp, the poorly drawn angels, or the poorly drawn thumb tucked into the front of the jeans. I agree, Pat, it's far too sexy of a cover. Someone get me a fan! 
  • Kyle's next band is Destroy Rebuild Until God Returns and their album D.R.U.G.S.. The song is "The Hangman". An odd cover that resembles more of a fake creepy children's book with creatures.
  • Pat's next is Hot Streets by Chicago. He plays "Alive Again". There is no number. The band is on the cover, all jaunty and running around. Peter Cetera is hugging Danny Seraphine in a very *ahem* personal way. Pat considers it more of a Village People cover than Chicago. 
  • Pat goes two in a row with the previously-mentioned REO Speedwagon and their album Nine Lives. Utterly baffling. An alley that may also be a room? Cat women? A panther? FISHNET SHIRTS?! WHITE GLOVES?! A CHEETAH BORDER?!?! AHHHHH!!!!
  • Kyle's second to last pick is Your Favorite Weapon by Brand New. The song is "Mix Tape". Chess pieces and a chess clock, which confuse poor young Kyle. 
  • Pat gives apologies to Dirty Work by The Rolling Stones. Nothing says rock and roll like Mick and the boys splayed out in bright pastel clothes.
  • Pat's second to last pick is River of Dreams by Billy Joel. He plays "All About Soul". The cover is a painting drawn by Christie Brinkley. Pat and Kyle are not fans of the asymmetrical (and shirtless) Billy Joel.
  • Kyle's last pick is Appeal to Reason by Rise Against. The song he plays is "Hairline Fracture". Another album cover with a lot going on: A baby, a dog, a ship, a puke yellow color scheme. Kyle's not a fan. 
  • Plugs time: Kyle is now part of a production company called AOK, which is from the minds of the people who did ADHD for Fox. Check them out on Twitter @ThisisAOK.
  • Pat takes us out with the Stonehenge-inspired album Rock in a Hard Place by Aerosmith. The song is "Lightning Strikes".
Time Song Album Artist Who
00:10:00 Where Have You Been All My Life Fotomaker Fotomaker West Anthony
00:10:00 Anything Anything The Damned MJ
00:10:00 Left of the Dial Tim The Replacements Robert Blum
00:15:00 Carpe Diem Carpe Diem Heavenly Joffrey Tambor
00:20:00 Everything Is Cool Brave New World Styx Pat
00:25:00 We Are the Sound Crisis Alexisonfire Kyle
00:25:00 Underground Paper Money Montrose Pat
00:30:00 I Hold Myself in Contempt Four Year Strong Four Year Strong Kyle
00:35:00 Shake Your Foundations Fly on the Wall AC/DC Pat
00:35:00 Angels of the Silences Recovering the Satellites Counting Crows Kyle
00:40:00 My Brain Is Hanging Upside Down (Bonzo Goes to Bitburg) Animal Boy Ramones Pat
00:45:00 The Hell Song Does This Look Infected? Sum 41 Kyle
00:45:00 Big Picture Six Loverboy Pat
00:55:00 You’re All I Wanna Do Woke Up with a Monster Cheap Trick Cranky Bear
01:00:00 I Want to Know Vivid Living Colour Kyle
01:05:00 Message of Love Trial by Fire Journey Pat
01:10:00 I Can’t Get Enough Eureka Rooney Kyle
01:15:00 Don’t So No Tonight Ready Eddie Eddie Money Pat
01:20:00 Gates of Tomorrow Dance of Death Iron Maiden Kyle
01:25:00 Promises Euphoria Def Leppard Pat
01:35:00 Misery Loves My Company Transit to Venus Three Days Grace Kyle
01:40:00 American Storm Like a Rock Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band Pat
01:45:00 Schism Lateralus Tool Kyle
01:45:00 Serious Business Uh-Huh John Cougar Mellencamp Pat
01:50:00 The Hangman D.R.U.G.S. Destroy Rebuild Until God Returns Kyle
01:55:00 Alive Again Hot Streets Chicago Pat
01:55:00 Heavy on Your Love Nine Lives REO Speedwagon Pat
02:00:00 Mix Tape Your Favorite Weapon Brand New Kyle
02:05:00 All About Soul River of Dreams Billy Joel Pat
02:10:00 Hairline Fracture Appeal to Reason Rise Against Kyle
02:15:00 Lightning Strikes Rock in a Hard Place Aerosmith Pat

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