Thursday, December 22, 2016

Episode 284: Holiday Jams

Episode 284: Holiday Jams
Pat and Kyle are joined by April Richardson who begrudgingly agrees to play Christmas songs which she is not a fan of... at all!
From December 22, 2016

With your hosts:

Pat Francis

April Richardson

00:00:00 Pat, April, and Kyle welcome us to the show. Seasons greetings, everybody! The Rock Solid gang is getting into the holiday spirit. Pat and April chat about the holidays. Pat, his wife, and his kids double dip and celebrate both Christmas and Hannukah. April only celebrates Christmas. She remembers growing up and begging her parents for a $500 CD burner one Christmas year, which promptly became obsolete not long after.
00:05:00 Well it wouldn't be the Christmas season if we didn't complain about our relatives. "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire..." Pat and Kyle complain about Pat's sister, whom they call an idiot. She once sent Kyle a $25 check for his birthday, which promptly bounced. "Jack Frost nipping at your toes..." April bemoans that her family think of her as a snotty educated Hollywood liberal, even though she grew up with all of them in the South. The three agree that there is too much of a divide between people who went to college and people who didn't. Smart is smart.
00:10:00 Where is April spending Christmas? Here in L.A. No family. No tree. "What about Christmas morning?" Pat asks. "Go to the movies," answers April. Wait a minute: no Christmas celebration with the family, no tree, going to the movies? She's practically a member of the tribe! If she eats Chinese food too, we could be cousins! April fears that she's coming off as a Scrooge. Pat gives April a Christmas gift! It's an Elvis Presley Christmas album on green vinyl. How appropriate because today's topic is Holiday Jams! First we had Merry Christmas, then Murray Christmas, now April is here for the Holiday Jams. April actually isn't really a fan of Christmas songs. She loves all of Elvis' Christmas songs and not much else. As for Pat, he can't get enough of the Yuletide music. He has 440 Christmas songs in his iTunes!
00:15:00 Gee, now April can't help but feel like a Grinch compared to Pat. While he's warming his tootsies by the fire with his family on Christmas morning, an endless Christmas playlist softly playing in the background, April will be seeing "the big shit movie" at the local cinema. Alone. Kyle rattles off some of the films available. With the exception of Rogue One, the pickings are rather slim. Collateral Beauty, Passengers, Why Him? Can't wait to choose one of those winners. What about Christmas movies, what are the faves? The first two Home Alone movies. Gremlins.
00:20:00 April gives a solid recommendation to both Addams Family movies (the Raul Julia ones), especially Values (she sees it as a Thanksgiving movie). Then Pat asks April the million dollar question: Where did she recently meet Dolph Lundgren? She was hanging out with Chris Hardwick on the set of @Midnight and Dolph just so happened to be a special guest. April flipped out and fawned over him. Still got the muscles? Oh yeah, SOLID AS A ROCK. A super nice guy too. But enough about Ivan Drago, we got some Holiday Jams to get to! April kicks things off with her favorite Christmas song, "Christmas in Hollis" by Run-D.M.C. off the album A Very Special Christmas.
00:25:00 Pat's first pick is a brand new Christmas single from The Empty Hearts, featuring former guest of the show Elliot Easton. The song is called "It's Christmastime". Pat and April recollect A Very Special Christmas, with some songs working (U2, Run-D.M.C.) and some not (Stevie Nicks, Sting).
Up next for April is the band The Waitresses. Off the album A Christmas Record, the song is "Christmas Wrapping". Rock in Peace to Patty Donahue, the lead singer of The Waitresses.
00:30:00 Pat goes right for April's heart with his next pick. Off the reissue of the album Caribou, it's "Step into Christmas" by Elton John. We hear a little of the B-side "Ho, Ho, Ho (Who'd Be a Turkey at Christmas)" but the party sound effects don't live up to the A-side. "Still love ya, EJ," assures April.
April plays her first Elvis Presley song of the night. It's "Blue Christmas" off of Elvis' Christmas Album. Just for kicks, Kyle plays a little of the Porky Pig version. Pat's got some issues with Mr. Pig, namely his lack of pants. Get some trousers, you swine!
00:35:00 The next song for Pat is a big one, "All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey off the album Merry Christmas.
"How do feel about that one?"
- Pat

"I mean, it's okay. I just feel like I was shopping at the Gap just now."
- April

Pat accuses April of lacking the Christmas spirit. April loves Christmas! She just doesn't have anyone to share it with. She doesn't have kids like Pat does. She doesn't have siblings. Friends are nice, but they're not the same as family. Pat jokingly offers to bring his whole family to visit April on Christmas morning to cheer her up. "I would not be cool with that," she immediately responds. "You should spend your Christmas in your big house, not my tiny apartment."
00:40:00 April plays her next song, "Last Christmas" by Wham! off the album Music from the Edge of Heaven. Pat keeps digging away at April's icy soul, serving her hot chocolate.
As April's heart grows three sizes, Pat plays "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" by Thurl Ravenscroft off the soundtrack to How the Grinch Stole Christmas.
Pat and April aren't the only ones rocking out. Kyle brings in something of his own. It's "Jingle Bell Rock" by The California Raisins off the album Christmas with the California Raisins. "I'm happy and mad at the same time," says Pat.
00:45:00 After April reveals she will be missing SF Sketchfest this year (and thus will miss the opportunity to read from a Kiss autobiography) due to protesting the inauguration, she plays her next pick. It's a cover of "Fairytale of New York" by Florence + the Machine & Billy Bragg. Beautiful song.
Now let's play something that isn't that. Pat plays "Oh Come All Ye Faithful" by Twisted Sister off the album A Twisted Christmas.
00:50:00 Pat and April chat about Twisted Sister. Pat doesn't like them, but he liked the documentary about them. April was surprised when she found out how big they were in the New York club scene. She just thought they were a goofy one-hit wonder. April recommends the Oasis documentary about their first two albums. We return to the Holiday Jams with April's next pick. It's "Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy" as done by Paul F. Tompkins and Dave Gruber Allen.
00:55:00 Rock in Peace to Bing Crosby and David Bowie, the original duo for "Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy." We return to A Very Special Christmas as Pat plays "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" by John Mellencamp. April gives it a lump of coal, partly because of how much of a dick Mellencamp is and Mellencamp's voice. Pat throws a little shade at Elvis' voice and April lashes back! How dare you, good sir.
One of April's friends is Sean Nelson, the former lead singer of the band Harvey Danger. She plays "Sometimes You Have to Work on Christmas (Sometimes)" off the EP Sometimes You Have to Work on Christmas (Sometimes).
01:00:00 Kyle knows the sting of working on Christmas as he used to work at a movie theater. From one Jewish man to one unlucky gentile, thank you for your sacrifice, Kyle. Pat's next pick is from former guest Tony Thaxton. The song is "R2-D2 We Wish You a Merry Christmas" off the album A Very Merry Feliz Navipod To You, Your Friends and Family and Everybody Else!. Fun fact about that song, it is actually a cover. The original was on a Star Wars-themed Christmas compilation in 1980 and it is the first professional recording of JON BON JOVI. I shit you not.
April and Tony bonded deeply over the song "Christmas in Dixie" by Alabama off the album Alabama Christmas. All of a sudden, April feels a warm glow inside her. "I love Christmas," April beams. "This is a great Christmas song." She's feeling it, she's feeling the Christmas spirit! Thanks Alabama!
01:05:00 Up next is Pat and he plays "Christmas All Over Again" by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers off the album A Very Special Christmas 2.
Leave it to Kyle to ruin all this good cheer. Off the EP Hi-Voltage Christmas Rock, it's "I've Got a Boner for Christmas" by Nerf Herder. All that innocent Christmas spirit goes RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW with all that boner innuendo.
And look at that, the juvenile behavior spreads to April. She plays "Christmas Is for Fucking" by Reggie Watts.
01:10:00 "This is atrosh." That's how April describes Pat's next song, "Rock N Roll Santa" by Michael Des Barres. Definitely not one of Michael's finest moments. It's not Live Aid at #1, then "Rock N Roll Santa" at #2. There's a bit of a gap in between the two. Kyle cleanses the palate with Jimmy Pardo and Scott Aukerman singing "Baby, It's Cold Outside."
01:15:00 April has her own palate cleanser, her friend Darren Hanlon singing "Spend Christmas Day with Me" off the album Pointing Ray Guns at Pagans. Darren urged April to come to Australia to spend christmas with him, but April doesn't have the moolah to go.
From now on, whenever Pat plays this song, he'll be thinking of April on Christmas morning. It's "(It's Going to Be a) Lonely Christmas" by Marshall Crenshaw off the album Christmas Time Again. April can't remember the last time she spent Christmas with a boyfriend. They usually break up with her beforehand. April doesn't make a big deal about boyfriends getting her extravagant gifts for birthdays or Valentine's Day. Just give her something that proves you know who she is as a person and that you listen to her.
01:20:00 April moves on to her favorites, Sparks. Off the album Kimono My House, she plays "Thank God It's Not Christmas". April is all Sparks, all day. She refers to Kimono My House as "classic status." It's an album for Pat to start his Sparks journey on, because there is some Sparks stuff that is too weird for novices.
It's time for a true classic, Burl Ives with "A Holly Jolly Christmas off the album Have a Holly Jolly Christmas. Pat plays a little of the jingle bells live in studio.
"This might be the one instrument that I'm good at."
- Pat on the jingle bells

"I think it's a stretch to call it an instrument."
- April

"What about skin flute, I'm okay with that."
- Pat with the line of the episode
April's last pick is another Elvis Presley number. It's "Merry Christmas Baby" off the album Elvis Sings The Wonderful World of Christmas.
01:25:00 April has found her Christmas spirit once again. Well, she never really lost it, she was just in a sour mood because she's sick. But thanks to Alabama, Elvis Presley, and Twisted Sister, April can't wait for the big day. She's going to get the Elvis vinyl Pat gave her framed and mounted. Pat gives some apologies to Eddie Money and JP, Chrissie, and the Fairground Boys.
Quick plugs time. Don't forget to get your tickets to see Rock Solid at SF Sketchfest. There will be two shows: One will feature "Weird Al" Yankovic and the other will be Kiss & Tell Vol. 2, featuring the return of Wayne Federman and Dave Holmes, along with a brand new voice telling stories about the crazy world of Gene, Paul, Peter, and Ace.
Pat takes us out with "Christmas Time" by Bryan Adams. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everybody!!!
Time Song Album Artist Who
00:20:00 Christmas in Hollis A Very Special Christmas Run-D.M.C. April
00:25:00 It’s Christmastime Single The Empty Hearts Pat
00:25:00 Christmas Wrapping A Christmas Record The Waitresses April
00:30:00 Step into Christmas Caribou Elton John Pat
00:30:00 Blue Christmas Elvis’ Christmas Album Elvis Presley April
00:35:00 All I Want for Christmas Is You Merry Christmas Mariah Carey Pat
00:40:00 Last Christmas Music from the Edge of Heaven Wham! April
00:40:00 You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch How the Grinch Stole Christmas Thurl Ravenscroft Pat
00:40:00 Jingle Bell Rock Christmas with the California Raisins The California Raisins Kyle
00:45:00 Fairytale of New York N/A Billy Bragg and Florence + the Machine April
00:45:00 Oh Come All Ye Faithful A Twisted Christmas Twisted Sister Pat
00:50:00 Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy N/A Paul F. Tompkins and Dave Gruber Allen April
00:55:00 I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus A Very Special Christmas John Mellencamp Pat
00:55:00 Sometimes You Have to Work on Christmas (Sometimes) Sometimes You Have to Work on Christmas (Sometimes) Harvey Danger April
01:00:00 R2-D2 We Wish You a Merry Christmas A Very Merry Feliz Navipod to You, Your Friends and Family and Everybody Else! Tony Thaxton Pat
01:00:00 Christmas in Dixie Alabama Christmas Alabama April
01:05:00 Christmas All Over Again A Very Special Christmas 2 Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers Pat
01:05:00 I’ve Got a Boner for Christmas Hi-Voltage Christmas Rock Nerf Herder Kyle
01:05:00 Christmas Is for Fucking N/A Reggie Watts April
01:10:00 Rock N Roll Santa Single Michael Des Barres Pat
01:15:00 Spend Christmas Day with Me Pointing Ray Guns at Pagans Darren Hanlon April
01:15:00 (It’s Going to Be a) Lonely Christmas Christmas Time Again Marshall Crenshaw Pat
01:20:00 Thank God It’s Not Christmas Kimono My House Sparks April
01:20:00 A Holly Jolly Christmas Have a Holly Jolly Christmas Burl Ives Pat
01:20:00 Merry Christmas Baby Elvis sings The Wonderful World of Christmas Elvis Presley April
01:25:00 Christmas Time Single Bryan Adams Pat

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