Friday, August 28, 2015

Episode 215: Eyes



Episode 215: Eyes
Pat and Co-Host April Richardson look deeply into their music libraries to find their favorite songs about those two things on your face called...eyes!
From August 27, 2015

With your hosts:

Pat Francis

April Richardson


00:00:00 Pat and April welcome us to the show. Kyle is preparing for a standup comedy show at a music festival. April performed standup at Bonnaroo, which was cool because it was in a comedy tent that was separate from the music area. It probably won't be the same for Kyle; he'll attempt to tell jokes while a Bosnian flugelhorn band is wailing in the background. But in other news, April has returned to the show after her less-than-stellar Lasik eye surgery. It, uh... it didn't go so well. Her peepers are not at 100%. Pat's wife Pilar also had Lasik eye surgery and it similarly did not go swimmingly. Now she can read her scripts, but everything else is a hazy void. Her doctor was a jerk.
00:05:00 April's doctor is a good guy and is actively trying to help her see correctly. Pat went to Pilar's next eye doctor appointment and the guy did a total 180. He wasn't mean, but he was still not up-to-snuff. The doctor even got his left and his right mixed up. The reason April's surgery messed up is because she has unstable eye cells. She is a legitimate medical anomaly; not the "Holy crap, what the hell is that thing?!" anomaly, but still a bit rare.
00:10:00 Pat feels a bit guilty about making fun of April's upcoming surgery on her previous appearance (you know, the whole "your gonna go blind forever" thing), but April reassures him that it's fine. Everyone was making jokes, it's what you do. Besides, how could Pat know that April has messed up eye cells? He isn't a doctor. And despite her misfortunes, April is damn happy not to have to wear glasses anymore. She loves waking up and seeing the clock. In any event, today's topic is centered around the eyes and words pertaining to them: look, see, vision, etc.
00:15:00 April is very annoyed that she forgot about vision because she could have put "Sound and Vision" by David Bowie from the album Low on her list. Luckily, Pat was smart enough to think of the word and so he plays the song as his first pick. Pat's a little mystified at the lyrics, though. That's when April points out that the song is literally about him sitting in a blue room and listening to music. Yup, those sophisticated lyrics sure are puzzling, Pat.
While April was dallying about the country doing her standup, she followed Morrissey around for a month. She only missed one show due to sickness. April saw him 9 times, which brings her total Morrissey show count to about 114. The sets were different each night, along with Morrissey's temperament. Sometimes you got happy, fun Morrissey. And sometimes you got regular, sad Morrissey.
00:20:00 Particularly great shows were in Salt Lake City and at Red Rocks. "Is his encore still Van Halen's 'Jump'?" asks Pat. April's normal meals while driving on the road included niche crackers found in gas stations and red bull. That and a lot of biscuits and gravy when she was in the south. Combine that with very little exercise and you've got the patented Trucker's Diet! What about hotel life? Lots of Motel 6s and Super 8s. April made sure to avoid the first floor rooms, though. They're super scary. Pat points out that being on the 50th floor of a hotel is also scary due to Godzilla or the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. *sigh*
00:25:00 After wasting precious time and resources finding out the heights of both Godzilla and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man (50 stories and 10 stories, respectively), April plays her first pick. Off the album Hatful of Hollow, it's The Smiths with "This Night Has Opened My Eyes". Going back to eyeball talk, Pat's daughter once had a piece of rust in her eye. April knows that that is partly the reason she won't have kids, because she gets too grossed out by that stuff and won't be able to handle something like that.
00:30:00 April tells a story about her stepdad picking gravel out of her teeth and gums because April fell off her bike and landed face-first on the pavement, sliding away into oral chaos. "Well, that's love," says Pat. "Calm down," replies April. Pat plays his next pick, "Big Eyes" by Cheap Trick from the album In Color. April's mistake was that she was screaming as she fell. Well when you're hurtling headfirst towards concrete, there's really not much else you can do. Pat brings up seeing Tom Cruise riding a motorcycle with no helmet in the new Mission Impossible movie. April doubts the legitimacy of the plane stunt. But it's real. He had to wear contacts in his eyes to keep them open.
00:35:00 April has trouble giving Tom Cruise money after seeing Going Clear. There are rumors, though, that Tom might be leaving the church. Pat notices Cruise seems more engaged now in interviews. April returns to the music with her next pick, Blur. Off their self-titled album, it's "Look Inside America". Pat didn't even think about "look."
Pat's next pick is by Billy Idol. He plays the hit "Eyes Without a Face" from Rebel Yell.
00:40:00 April darkens the mood with some Depeche Mode. Off the album Violator, it's a song called "World in My Eyes". Pat feels left out with Depeche Mode; he just doesn't know enough about them. April mentions a few songs and how they are really big in L.A. Rodney Bingenheimer and his English Disco are also brought up.
Pat gets a little creepy with his next pick. Off the album Closeup, it's Frankie Valli with "My Eyes Adored You". Little stalker-ish there, Frankie.
00:45:00 Not to be outdone, April graces us with an absolute classic for her next pick. It's Rockwell with "Somebody's Watching Me" off the album Somebody's Watching Me. That's Michael Jackson there on the chorus. Rockwell is Berry Gordy's son, so I doubt it would be too difficult to get Michael in the studio for an hour or two. Kyle lists off some other Rockwell singles: "Obscene Phone Caller," "Knife," "Captured," "He's a Cobra," and "Peeping Tom." Either Rockwell has a vivid imagination or he's taunting the police with his grand plans like the Zodiac killer.
Pat's next pick is power pop guru Nick Lowe. He plays "Ragin' Eyes" from the album The Abominable Showman.
April goes back to the indies with her next pick. Off the album If You're Feeling Sinister, it's Belle and Sebastian with "Seeing Other People".
00:50:00 Pat points out that it sounds like a Charlie Brown tune. Speaking of which, one of Kyle's coworkers voiced Charlie Brown in two of the lesser Peanuts specials. I believe one of them was "It's the Amazing Saint Swithin's Day Cucumber, Charlie Brown" or something like that. Anyway, Pat plays his next pick. It's Judas Priest with "Electric Eye" from the album Screaming for Vengeance.
April ups the heavy with her next pick, Killing Joke. Off their 2003 self-titled album, it's "Seeing Red". April brings up the Centralia mine fire that Pat told her about.
00:55:00 There's just a perpetual fire underneath this town. As of 2010, there are 10 people still living there. Talk about stubborn. If you'd rather have perpetually hot feet than move to the next town over, you're a stubborn bastard. Will April live in L.A. forever? Yeah. But she's not buying a house, though. Unless the national currency becomes Morrissey bootlegs, then houses are off the market. Pat brings the music back with his next pick by Loverboy. It's the super cheesy "Heaven in Your Eyes" from the Top Gun Soundtrack. None of the three remember if this song actually plays in the movie. April always rewinds the movie when Goose dies because it gets boring afterwards.
01:00:00 There are rumblings that Top Gun 2 is coming with Tom Cruise. April just wants Goose back in some way: Zombie Goose, Ghost Goose, Weekend at Goose's, PolterGoose. Pat also has some Loverboy news. SUPPOSEDLY Rock Solid is getting Mike Reno in September. So we'll see what happens with that. Pat's favorite scene in Top Gun is when the bald commander (the same guy who played the principal in Back to the Future, by the way) sends Maverick and Goose to Top Gun. Somehow conversation turns to Disney and Nick kid shows. April believes she could now play the young mom on a Disney show. Chip Chinnery does a lot of those shows and they keep telling him to go big and crazy, despite already going as big and crazy as he can go.
01:05:00 April plays her next pick, The Beautiful South. Off the album 0898 Beautiful South, it's a song called "Old Red Eyes Is Back".
Up next for Pat is actress and singer Kathleen Wilhoite. It's actually a new song that has not come out yet (which she sent to Pat personally because they're friends) called "Damn These Eyes". In case you want to see Kathleen perform live, she does so on the first Tuesday of every month at Vitello's Restaurant in Studio City. That's also the place where Robert Blake's wife got her brains plastered over the interior of her car. For some reason Pat's dad and April's mom love going to places where people were killed, particularly restaurants.
01:10:00 Kyle's parents are obsessed with his near-death experiences. He almost choked once on food, so they keep reminding to chew his meals. Kyle recently got stuck in an elevator for and he didn't tell his parents. He waited for forty minutes in an elevator with a bunch of interns before he could get out. The thing is it was only a five floor walk. Lazy bones. Pat would have stayed in their all day just to get off work.
01:15:00 The funny thing about April's next pick is that she played it on her previous episode. But this time it's a cover of "Pale Blue Eyes" done by R.E.M. from the album Dead Letter Office.
Pat's next pick is "One Vision" by Queen off the album A Kind of Magic.
April's next pick is a band called The Charlatans. Off their self-titled album, it's a song called "Just Lookin'".
01:20:00 Pat recommends watching the British show The Fall on Netflix about a serial killer. It will give April nightmares, she's sure of it. Pat brings it up because there is a girl on the show who looks just like April. Pat tries forever to come up with the name of the actress and he just can't do it. Instead he plays his next pick "Brown Eyed Girl" by Van Morrison from his debut album Blowin' Your Mind!
01:25:00 April plays her next pick, The Records with "Starry Eyes" from the album Shades in Bed. They find a picture of the actress, Valene Kane, and April is very flattered because she is gorgeous. April was expecting Anne Ramsey from Throw Momma from the Train.
"George, it's Steve. Remember that 'Sister, Sister' reboot you were considering? I believe I've found your girls."
Pat plays his next pick from the Bad Boys from Boston. It's Aerosmith with "Sight for Sore Eyes" from the album Draw the Line.
April's next pick is a band called The Locksmiths. The song is called "Can't Believe My Eyes" from an album called Where Were We?
01:30:00 Pat and April discuss character actors that are stuck in roles that pertain to their looks. This brings up devilishly handsome Mike Siegel, who filmed a commercial where he swam in a suit and dropped through the floor. April cannot believe that Mike is almost 50. She is stunned! She calls Mike a "fly honey" (because April is secretly a pimp in a 1970s Blaxploitation movie).
01:35:00 Pat's next pick Bob Welch was with Fleetwood Mac for five albums, but is not in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. "I wonder what the Hall of Fame told him," Kyle says.



After briefly discussing Lenny Kravitz's penis popping out of his ripped pants, Pat plays "Ebony Eyes" from the album French Kiss.
"Did you look at it?"
- Pat, referring to Lenny Kravitz's dick
"Of course, I'm a connoisseur."
- April, with the line of the episode
April's second to last pick is from British songstress Lily Allen. She plays "Close Your Eyes" from the album Sheezus. There's more Anne Ramsey discussion. She was married for over 30 years to her husband Logan Ramsey. "There's nothing better than when two 2s and 3s find each other," says April. How comforting. Which number does April give herself? She gives herself a 6. Meanwhile "Fly Honey" Mike Siegel is an 8. Damn that man and his absurdly good looks.
01:40:00 April was recently at a live show of Match Game (hosted by Jimmy Pardo) and got a kiss from Jon Hamm. Pat was there too and all he got was some red velvet cake. He doesn't believe the hype when it comes to red velvet. Then Kyle and April shatter his illusions by revealing that it's just dyed chocolate cake. Pat's mind = BLOWN. As he comes down from the shock, he plays his next pick. Off the Dirty Dancing Soundtrack, it's "Hungry Eyes" by Eric Carmen.
April's last pick is by a band called Trembling Blue Stars. Off the album Broken by Whispers, the song is called "Dark Eyes".
01:45:00 Plugs time. You can catch April at the 2015 Out of Bounds Comedy Festival in Austin, Texas in early September. She's also still plugging away at the Funcomfortable Tour with Chris Hardwick too. It's been WAAAAAY too long since April's last episode (ten whole weeks), but we're gonna fix that real quick.
Pat ends this insightful show with the classic "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel off the album So.
Time Song Album Artist Who
00:15:00 Sound and Vision Low David Bowie Pat
00:25:00 This Night Has Opened My Eyes Hatful of Hollow The Smiths April
00:30:00 Big Eyes In Color Cheap Trick Pat
00:35:00 Look Inside America Blur Blur April
00:35:00 Eyes Without a Face Rebel Yell Billy Idol Pat
00:40:00 World in My Eyes Violator Depeche Mode April
00:40:00 My Eyes Adored You Closeup Frankie Valli Pat
00:45:00 Somebody’s Watching Me Somebody’s Watching Me Rockwell April
00:45:00 Ragin’ Eyes The Abominable Snowman Nick Lowe Pat
00:45:00 Seeing Other People If You’re Feeling Sinister Belle and Sebastian April
00:50:00 Electric Eye Screaming for Vengeance Judas Priest Pat
00:50:00 Seeing Red Killing Joke Killing Joke April
00:55:00 Heaven in Your Eyes Top Gun Soundtrack Loverboy Pat
01:05:00 Old Red Eyes Is Back 0898 Beautiful South The Beautiful South April
01:05:00 Damn These Eyes N/A Kathleen Wilhoite Pat
01:15:00 Pale Blue Eyes Dead Letter Office R.E.M. April
01:15:00 One Vision A Kind of Magic Queen Pat
01:15:00 Just Lookin’ The Charlatans The Charlatans April
01:20:00 Brown Eyed Girl Blowin’ Your Mind! Van Morrison Pat
01:25:00 Starry Eyes Shades in Bed The Records April
01:25:00 Sight for Sore Eyes Draw the Line Aerosmith Pat
01:25:00 Can’t Believe My Eyes Where Were We? The Lucksmiths April
01:35:00 Ebony Eyes French Kiss Bob Welch Pat
01:35:00 Close Your Eyes Sheezus Lily Allen April
01:40:00 Hungry Eyes Dirty Dancing Soundtrack Eric Carmen Pat
01:40:00 Dark Eyes Broken by Whispers Trembling Blue Stars April
01:45:00 In Your Eyes So Peter Gabriel Pat

1 comment:

  1. Twitter inquiry: Is it true you should always put a question mark after @KyleDodsonFunny....

    ReplyDelete