Thursday, October 16, 2014

Episode 170: Saxual Harassment



Episode 170: Saxual Harassment
It's time to get "horny" as Pat and Co-Host April Richardson play their favorite songs featuring brass and woodwind instruments.
From October 16, 2014

With your hosts:

Pat Francis

April Richardson


00:00:00 Pat welcomes us to the show. On the day we're recording this episode, Joan Rivers has died. It's very sad. April's mom sent her a text about Joan Rivers that was a bit too personal. You don't know Joan Rivers, April's mom, so don't say things like "She was so full of life at 81. I will miss her." You never met her! So now Robin Williams and Joan Rivers are dead. And since celebrities die in threes, is Pat Francis next? The answer is no. No he is not.
Pat and April talk money. April has a surefire economic plan: Everything costs 5 bucks and everyone makes $50,000 a year. I don't know, that sounds like some Communist bullshit to me. That's not what America stands for, dammit! It's apple pie and distinctive economic classes, that's what America is all about. Pat just wants no more poverty and world peace. Jeez, is he trying out for Miss America? Superman IV: The Quest for Peace gets brought up. What a shit movie that was. If Superman tossed the nukes out into space, couldn't they possibly hit the sun and make it explode? I'm not a scientist, of course, I just play one on TV.
00:05:00 April was on the Chelsea Lately series finale. There were a ton of celebrities there. April was hanging out with Sammy Hagar. You gotta keep your fandom in check, but it was the last show, so everyone was taking pictures with each other in merriment and whimsy. The finale was a surreal, bittersweet moment. April was standing next to Kurt Braunohler, Matt Braunger, and Rick Springfield. Buzz Aldrin was standing in front of them. What the fuck is going on! Speaking of E! programming, what will happen with Fashion Police? Pat suggests April should be on the show. She's a fashionista, after all. April says no.
Let's get into today's topic: Saxual Harassment! Songs with saxophones, horns, and instruments of similar ilk. April has an iTunes playlist with the same name. Pat meanwhile has a playlist called Sexual Harassment. It's the songs he listens to in his workplace while reaching for women's naughtybits. Human Resources? Pat Francis doesn't know the meaning of those words!
00:10:00 April kicks us off with the duo that, let's be honest, was really a one-man band. It's Wham! with their song "Careless Whisper" off the album Make It Big. That Andrew Ridgely. Such a legend. Such an icon. April has a ten minute loop of the sax solo in "Careless Whisper." Kyle mentions a prank video of a guy doing the sax solo on a supermarket check out line.
Pat's first pick comes from a land down under. It's "Who Can It Be Now?" by Men at Work, off the album Business as Usual.
00:15:00 Another duo for April, this time it's Hall & Oates with "Maneater" from the album H2O. It's been mostly instrumental sax moments so far.
We got a classic one from Pat Francis. It's "Baker Street" by Gerry Rafferty from his album City to City. Classic song, classic sax solo.
April throws a wrench (or rather, a horn) into the mix with her next song. Off the album Feels So Good, it's "Feels So Good" by Chuck Mangione. He's playing the flugelhorn, ladies and gentlemen. April's metadata lists the song as being from 1996. It isn't. Blame it on compilation albums. Pat is very anal about his iTunes. Everything has to be correct and have the right titles and album art and year. Meanwhile his wife and children are starving.
Pilar: "Pat, please, you have to find work and make money so we can eat. We can't keep living off of ketchup packets and Thin Mints."
Pat: "Shut up, I said! Can't you see I'm busy trying to sort my Boz Scaggs album collection?"
00:20:00 Pat's next pick is Billy Joel. He doesn't really like this song, but it does have sax in it. The song is "Zanzibar" off of 52nd Street. It's Billy Joel sinking into his jazz influences. April calls it "the most Billy Joel-ish of Billy Joel songs."
April goes obscure with her next one. It's a band called Pigbag and their single "Sunny Day".
Pat: "There was this girl in college, we used to call her Pigbag."

April: "Oh damn."

Pat: "That's not true. That's not how I am with ladies. You know how I am with ladies."

April: "You grab for their parts."

Kyle: "You grab for their Pigbags."
- Pat, April, and Kyle, with the exchange of the episode.
Pigbags aside, it's Pat turn again. He picks "Walk on the Wild Side" by Lou Reed off the album Transformer.
Going toe to toe in the "Lead singer in an art rock band turned solo artist" category, April picks Peter Gabriel and his song "Sledgehammer", off the album So. When you hear that song, you automatically think of the video. In fact, many people probably first heard the song with the video.
00:25:00 Does April play any instruments? She played the flute in high school. Does she ever take it out and give it a whirl? She took it out a couple years ago to play along to a Morrissey song because OF COURSE! Pat hopes April brings in the flute next time so she can channel her inner Ian Anderson. Anyway, Pat was listening to his next pick just last week. Off the album Cornerstone, it's Styx with their song "Why Me". Coincidentally, "Why Me" is what April and Kyle are thinking when Pat plays that song.
00:30:00 April's next pick is by a band called Swing Out Sister. Off their album It's Better to Travel, the song is called "Breakout". Pat believes they are from Miami, but they are actually from England.
Pat throws some love for his old pal Jimmy Pardo with his next pick, Chicago. He plays "25 or 6 to 4" off the album Chicago II.
You know what April's playing next? Well let me tell you: It's "I Want a New Drug" by Huey Lewis and the News off their album Sports. Pat is back on board with Huey Lewis and the News. April is now a very happy camper.
Pat's next pick is by Bob Seger & the Silver Bullet Band. Put on some shades and dance in your underwear, because it's "Old Time Rock and Roll" from the album Stranger in Town.
00:35:00 Bob Seger's sax guy is named Alto Reed. That's his stage name, obviously. No saxophonist has ever been born with the name Alto Reed. Their destiny would have been written from birth. Alto usually comes out on stage with a giant saxophone. Okay, tone it down Alto, we get it. What is Alto's real name? Thomas Neal Cartmell. Yuck, stick with Alto Reed. He probably got beat up a lot as a kid because he played the saxophone. All the Detroit bullies made fun of him. Then those same bullies grew up, got fat, and were fired from the car plant. Meanwhile Alto is playing in front of sold out arenas. Alto's revenge!
You know what they say about men with big sax.
It's an April Richardson episode, so you just know David Bowie was going to be played. Just like the last episode she was on, April picks "Fascination" off of Young Americans. April also plays "Modern Love" off of Let's Dance.
00:40:00 What is April doing in October? She's going to see Lily Allen, then she's going to see Culture Club with Jimmy Pardo and Matt Belknap. Pat teases April by joking that Jimmy is going to pay for her ticket. April feels embarrassed. Pat completes this David Bowie trifecta with "Soul Love" off the album The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars. Bowie sure likes his saxophone!
Pat makes a Star Lord reference. He says he's friends with him. Kyle has seen Guardians of the Galaxy five times. The Ice Bucket Challenge gets brought up. People keep acting like ice water is nuclear waste. It's cold water, you wimps, so suck it up.
00:45:00 Hipsters rejoice, April's next pick is by Beck. Off the album Midnite Vultures, it's "Sexx Laws". Pat likes it. He's not really a Beck fan, but when April plays him, Pat wants to listen to some Beck. Of course, Murray always calls out Pat for kissing April's ass. Shut up, Murray. And now Murray is gonna send a text to Pat. You see? You see the kinds of problems that Beck has caused? This man must be stopped!
Pat sees your hipster guru, April Richardson, and raises you a band called Quarterflash. Off their self-titled album, it's a song called "Find Another Fool". Nothing better than a woman with a saxophone. Except, you know… a naked woman with a saxophone.
00:50:00 April's next pick says "Never Say Never". It's Romeo Void, from their album Benefactor.
Hey! Do you like Van Halen? Have you ever wondered what they would sound like with a clarinet? Well you're in luck because that's Pat's next pick. Off their album Diver Down, it's a song called "Big Bad Bill (Is Sweet William Now)". That is Eddie and Alex's dad on clarinet. Dave couldn't be happier because it fits his voice range.
The guy from Pulp, Jarvis Cocker, is April's next pick. The song is "Homewrecker!" from the solo album Further Complications.
00:55:00 Pat's next pick is Phil Collins and his song "I Cannot Believe It's True" from his album Hello, I Must Be Going!. Another Phil Collins album, another Phil Collins album cover with his face on it. Man, that guy LOVES his face.
April's second to last pick is "Hard Headed Woman" by Elvis Presley, off the album King Creole. Pat likes that Elvis song. Uh oh. I think I hear the tap-tapping of Murray on his phone. ANGRY MURRAY TEXT INCOMING!
"I've heard some things, Pat. And I'm. Not. Happy."
Pat's last pick is Foreigner. Off the album 4, it's the hit song "Urgent". A long sax solo in a hit single, who woulda thunk it?
We switch things up here on this episode of Rock Solid. Kyle gives us a sax song by Nine Inch Nails off the album Hesitation Marks. The song is called "While I'm Still Here".
01:00:00 Pat gives the plugs. This was a great episode, a lot of fun. And short too, a nice tight hour. Also, fuck you people who complain about the longer episodes. I have to recap every episode, short and long, week after week, for free. And do you hear me complaining? Of course not! Because I keep it all in. I take my hatred and I bury it deep down inside my soul. That's how the founding fathers did it, and that's how I'm doing it. And in thirty years when my heart explodes, at least you'll know that I kept the American spirit alive.
In other news, April is done with her Go Bayside! podcast. Did you see that Unauthorized Saved by the Bell movie? It seems it wasn't the scandalous drama that everyone was hoping for. It was told from Screech's perspective. The kid who played Mario Lopez was too skinny, according to April. Overall it was a very tepid affair. Pat teases April again that Jimmy is gonna give her the royal treatment for the Culture Club concert. April, again, is embarrassed.
We're closing up shop here. All that saxual harassment has tuckered me out. April plays us out with a song by They Might Be Giants. Off their album Lincoln, it's a song called "Shoehorn with Teeth".
Time Song Album Artist Who
00:10:00 Careless Whisper Make It Big Wham! April
00:10:00 Who Can It Be Now? Business as Usual Men at Work Pat
00:15:00 Maneater H2O Hall & Oates April
00:15:00 Baker Street City to City Gerry Rafferty Pat
00:15:00 Feels So Good Feels So Good Chuck Mangione April
00:20:00 Zanzibar 52nd Street Billy Joel Pat
00:20:00 Sunny Day Single Pigbag April
00:20:00 Walk on the Wild Side Transformer Lou Reed Pat
00:20:00 Sledgehammer So Peter Gabriel April
00:25:00 Why Me Cornerstone Styx Pat
00:30:00 Breakout It's Better to Travel Swing Out Sister April
00:30:00 25 or 6 to 4 Chicago II Chicago Pat
00:30:00 I Want a New Drug Sports Huey Lewis and the News April
00:30:00 Old Time Rock and Roll Stranger in Town Bob Seger & the Silver Bullet Band Pat
00:35:00 Fascination Young Americans David Bowie April
00:35:00 Modern Love Let's Dance David Bowie April
00:40:00 Soul Love The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars David Bowie Pat
00:45:00 Sexx Laws Midnite Vultures Beck April
00:45:00 Find Another Fool Quarterflash Quarterflash Pat
00:50:00 Never Say Never Benefactor Romeo Void April
00:50:00 Big Bad Bill (Is Sweet William Now) Diver Down Van Halen Pat
00:50:00 Homewrecker! Further Complications Jarvis Cocker April
00:55:00 I Cannot Believe It's True Hello, I Must Be Going! Phil Collins Pat
00:55:00 Hard Headed Woman King Creole Elvis Presley April
00:55:00 Urgent 4 Foreigner Pat
00:55:00 While I'm Still Here Hesitation Marks Nine Inch Nails Kyle
01:00:00 Shoehorn with Teeth Lincoln They Might Be Giants April

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